My skin had never been smoother. And my snot had never been greener.
This was to be expected.
After all, I had just been dropped into a dunk tank filled with green slime.
The slime that Nickelodeon made famous.
When the good people at Nickelodeon dangled the chance to be a test dummy (my description, not theirs) on the slime contraptions in advance of the Kids' Choice Sports show, naturally I volunteered. As I used to tell the high school students I taught: Journalism isn't necessarily the most lucrative career, but it can make you rich in experience. Here is my latest Exhibit A.
Kobe Bryant, Halle Berry, David Beckham, Harrison Ford, Russell Wilson and Tom Cruise have all experienced being slimed in some form or fashion during a Nickelodeon special.
Now it was my turn.
As I waited on the drop seat, the guy in charge covered some ground rules, then pointed to one of his colleagues positioned next to me and said, "If you don't come up in five seconds, he'll jump in to get you."
Not that I was worried -- they didn't even ask me to sign a waiver -- but I figured knowledge is always useful.
"Have you ever had to jump in to get someone?" I asked.
"Never."
A few seconds later, the countdown began. Three. Two. One.
Splash!
My initial reaction? This was cold, which actually felt refreshing on a hot day, but I thought it would be colder. Then I wriggled to the front of the tank and popped above the surface, wanting to avoid the five count that would've triggered the embarrassment of requiring a rescue. The consistency of the slime wasn't as thick as I expected. More of a goopy yogurt than a pudding. But much more slippery.
I shook my head like a bear who'd locked its jaws on a salmon. I blew my nose. I scooped slime out of my ears.
"We're gonna need a bigger towel."
I could have also used a Commando 450 shower head.
A few hours later, I learned I was lucky to have no facial hair, which I hadn't considered. But Chris Paul said if he could slime any NBA player, his pick would be Rockets teammate James Harden.
"When I got slimed, the hardest part was getting it out of my beard," Paul said. "If it's hard to get it out of this, I can't imagine him."
It might not be Harden, but Paul will see his fair share of sliming as host for this year's Kids' Choice Sports show, which airs 8 p.m. ET/PT Friday July 20 on Nickelodeon.
In the meantime, I'll be thinking about all those motivational quotes you see sprayed across social media about how you need to "get outside your comfort zone" to thrive. And I'll feel pretty good that I had an experience so invigorating it required quality time to scrub the slime out of my belly button.
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