Kris Jenner

To those of you who never thought a parody of "I Love L.A." could leave you curled in a fetal position muttering "the horror ... the horror" like Brando in "Apocalypse Now," I bring you the ... Kris Jenner 30th Birthday Video!!!

The Calabasas-matriarch-cum-reality-tv-svengali born "Kristen Marie Houghton" decided to celebrate her 30th birthday the way every nauseatingly self-indulgent LA yuppie did in 1985 -- by filming a video of herself cruising around town in a Mercedes convertible singing along to the Randy Newman classic.

Can we admire the editing work on this puppy? Its cuts-per-second would put Michael Bay to shame. Given mid-80's video technology, they probably had to start filming this in the late 70s.

In case you were wondering, yes, our buddy Orenthal James has a few appearances, with fleeting shots at 1:48 and 2:26 of the clip and then a speaking line at 3:19. And yes, his presence is just as eerie as you'd imagine (although not quite as eerie as Kris walking on a treadmill barefoot in her granny panties).

Other than that, this video pretty much serves to confirm our suspicions that Kris was a vapid, materialistic windbag way before Scott Disick appeared on her doorstep. Or I dunno, maybe it's normal to cut from a still shot of the Holy Bible to the awning at The Cheesecake Factory?

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