The PostGame

After 1,266 total yards of offense and 136 points scored, Boise State emerged on top Sunday night with a dramatic 4OT 69-67 win over conference rival Nevada (motto: “Seriously, Someone Please Help Us Get Out Of Nevada”). The contest finally ended with a sack of Nevada’s quarterback Colin Kaepernick on a two-point conversion attempt after the game’s 17th touchdown was scored. When all was said and done, the two teams had set a record for the most points scored in a Division I-A game since record-keeping began 70 years ago. Of course, 70 years ago there were no helmets or pads, the teams played with a live chicken instead of a football, and cigarettes were still healthy for you.Please ignore me, I’m rambling

I realize that people love watching offense, but this is getting a little ridiculous. Granted, the game was only 44-44 heading into overtime and the final tally was distorted by NCAA’s overtime rules, but putting up a basketball score doesn’t help your BCS bowl cause, Boise State.Where is the state of Boise, anyway? I’m a geography teacher and I don’t even know I know you’re 5-1, but you haven’t played a ranked team yet, which means you basically have to beat your opponents by three touchdowns and cure a major disease every week to garner respect with the voters. That’s just the way it is.

It’s the same situation with Hawaii. It’s a given that Colt Brennan is going to pass for 500 yards a game and the Warriors will hang half-a-hundred on whoever they play, but you have to look deeper to truly understand the score. It’s like when you get drunk in New York and end up in whatever country is north of the US: they have their own currency, which you must adjust for to calculate the true cost of essentials such as gasoline and hookers.

Here’s the conversion table. I’ve set the baseline at “ACC”.

So, there you have it. The final score for the Boise State-Nevada atrocity was actually about 24-23. I know this, because I’m a rocket scientist. Assuming, of course, that you replace the word “rocket” with “boob”. Finally, my secret is out. I’m a boob scientist.

^ Boob scientist research material