The PostGame

Pat Riley thinks he can play.

Minutes after watching the Miami Heat miss shot after shot in another uninspiring performance that ended in a 91-76 loss to the Charlotte Bobcats, coach Pat Riley was asked what he could do to generate some offense.

“Me? Play. I guarantee you I should suit up. I’d play better than some of them right now,” Riley said Tuesday night. “I guarantee it. I swear to God. With an old hip and 62 years old and I can’t see, I’ll play better than some of my guys tonight. Come on, they were pretty bad.”

Raise your hand if you’d buy a ticket to see Pat Riley suit up for a Heat game. Now hang on while I count them all…okay, 67 million people raised their hand. That should generate about a billion dollars in revenue, which would allow Miami to buy Kobe from the Lakers and maybe actually WIN a game for once.

See? I solved just their problems - I’m a genius. At least my mom always told me so. Every day starting when I was seven years old, she would give me a kiss and tell me I was handsome and smart, and then send me off to the coal mines.We’re from Kentucky. I was so envious of my nine-year-old brother; he got to work at the Nike factory.