The sky is blue, the grass is green, the uniforms are spotless and everyone is tied for first place. Yes, pitchers and catchers are reporting to spring training, and rosy outlooks are at their annual high.

But just in case you're one of those glass-half-empty kind of fans who can't seem to get into the hope-springs-eternal spirit of the season, here is my handy primer for what each team has to feel optimistic about this season. Onward!

AL East

Baltimore Orioles: Luke Scott does not believe President Obama was born in the United States. It’s this kind of utter disregard for facts that will keep him thinking positively even after his team is mathematically eliminated from playoff contention in August.

Boston Red Sox: With free agent signings like Matt Albers, they might finally be able to compete in the rough-and-tumble AL East.

New York Yankees: The new Orville Redenbacher sponsorship deal takes some of the sting out of the money still left on A-Rod’s contract.

Tampa Bay Rays: Evan Longoria finally got his cap back, so he’s good to go.

Toronto Blue Jays: GM Alex Anthopoulos actually has a second set of incriminating photographs of Angels GM Tony Reagins that he didn’t bring up during the Vernon Wells negotiations.

AL Central

Chicago White Sox: Ozzie Guillen has promised to come out of his shell and start speaking his mind this season.

Cleveland Indians: It’s pretty unlikely they will record the longest losing streak of the year among Cleveland’s professional sports teams.

Detroit Tigers: Potential starting 2B Will Rhymes is listed at 5-foot-9, 155 pounds, which puts him solidly in Eckstein Territory. Much grittiness to come.

Kansas City Royals: The additions of Melky Cabrera and Jeff Francoeur should help offset the loss of Yuniesky Betancourt.

Minnesota Twins: Even guys with no talent whatsoever, like Joe Mauer, can feel the rush of being in The Show.

AL West

Los Angles Angels: Kendry Morales has promised to celebrate all walkoff home runs this season by stepping into a custom-made padded bubble and rolling around the bases like a hamster.

Oakland Athletics: The release of the Moneyball movie in September means there is a much better than usual chance people will be watching the A’s play this season.

Seattle Mariners: Jack Cust has promised to carry on the legacy of Ken Griffey Jr. by wearing his hat backward and taking frequent cat naps in the clubhouse during games.

Texas Rangers: Michael Young, as selfless as always, stepped up to the plate to provide the Spring Training distraction the team really needed.

NL East

Atlanta Braves: Fredi Gonzalez’s wife reports he has been diligently arguing with her all offseason and she has been throwing him out of the house in preparation for him stepping into Bobby Cox’s shoes.

Florida Marlins: The last season in majestic Sun Life Stadium is bound to be special.

New York Mets: Owner Fred Wilpon just heard about a really great new investment opportunity.

Philadelphia Phillies: Led by Joe Blanton, the Phillies’ starting rotation figures to be historically great.

Washington Nationals: Stephen Strasburg should be well rested for the playoffs.

NL Central

Chicago Cubs: Have you heard about this new fireballer they’ve brought in, Kerry Wood? He’s got a bright future as long as they’re careful with his arm.

Cincinnati Reds: Free agent acquisition Dontrelle Willis will pass time in the bullpen by teaching fellow southpaw Aroldis Chapman the finer points of hitting your spots.

Houston Astros: With Michael Bourn and Clint Barmes, the legacy of the Killer Bs lives on!

Milwaukee Brewers: As long as Zack Greinke holds up his end of the deal, the trade for Yuniesky Betancourt should give the team a nice boost.

Pittsburgh Pirates: You know what they say: Sign Lyle Overbay, contend till at least May.

St. Louis Cardinals: They remain very confident they can work out a long-term extension with Skip Schumaker.

NL West

Arizona Diamondbacks: Armando Galarraga will give team useful lessons in gracefully handling adversity.

Colorado Rockies: The humidor should be just the thing to rejuvenate new 2B Jose Lopez, whose problems in Seattle last season can be attributed largely to dry skin.

Los Angeles Dodgers: Giants voodoo dolls, team-wide astrological readings and a seance to summon the spirits of deceased Dodgers greats -- Frank McCourt is sparing no expense this season.

San Diego Padres: Finally free of Adrian Gonzalez’s contract, the Pads were able to sign Brad Hawpe.

San Francisco Giants: Pablo Sandoval was highly disciplined this off-season in sticking to Sidney Ponson’s Magic Weight-Loss System.

-- Andrew Simon writes the "Hitting The Cutoff Man" blog on Follow him on Twitter at HitTheCutoff.