In the 50th annual running of the “Great American Race”, Ryan Newman snapped an 81-race winless streak to win the Daytona 500 on Sunday.
I’ll be honest, I’ve never been into racing much. I’m not sure how that happened, because I’ve lived in Kentucky, Alabama, South Carolina, and Florida, where every other truck has a racing sticker on the bumper right next to the image of Calvin peeing on the logo of the competing truck brand.
At any rate, I was able to attend last year’s Nextel Cup race in Talladega, and it was pretty freakin’ sweet. We stayed at a friend’s house and got shitfaced fishing on West Point lake on Saturday, then started tailgating around six o’clock on Sunday morning.
I’ve lived in the south my whole life, but even I wasn’t prepared for the sheer redneck-i-ness of the people there. It was awesome. Apparently Jeff Gordon won the race, which I don’t remember much of. I will say the I think every other professional sport should copy NASCAR’s policy of allowing you to bring your own beer into the event. Hell, I’d go watch ice skating or the WNBA if I could bring a case of Coors Light in with me. I’m not sure it would have saved the XFL, but it sure would have made the games a little more interesting.
Back to NASCAR, I think everyone is supposed to despise Jeff Gordon, but I have to admire a guy who hops into bed every night with Ingrid Vandebosch.
Dennis Rodman has his eyes on a coaching position in the newly-expanded WNBA, but his biggest asset - his notoriety - may also be his downfall. Ron Terwilliger, the owner of the new WNBA franchise in Atlanta, wants his first head coach to be a woman; other teams may be turned off by Rodman’s past antics, despite his highly-decorated basketball career which includes five NBA Championships.
Much ink has been consumed in cataloging the details of Dennis Rodman’s various sordid escapades. He is unquestionably a writer’s wet dream, because he can always be counted on to provide new material. Slow news day? Let’s see what Rodman is up to. Filming his TV show? Marrying Carmen Electra? Wearing a dress? Caught banging a dead mule? Building a spaceship to colonize Mars? His life is definitely like a box of chocolates.
My life, on the other hand, is like a cup of Folgers coffee: causing hours of happiness and ecstasy briefly punctuated by bouts of shockingly powerful diarrhea.
^ Carmen, I would still sleep with you, although at this point it would probably be like throwing a hot dog down a hallway, or dropping a carrot into a well.
Is your hand raised? Good. Now lower it to cover up your erection. Weirdo.
This collection of pictures is brought to you by bikinizzone.blogspot.com, which is basically a blog with almost no writing and a gratuitous amount of scantily-clad smokin’ hot women. In other words, the perfect website.
My brain has just notified me that it is disappointed that I would post such a useless item, when I usually have extremely high standards for my content. Well, shut up brain, or I will stab you with a Q-Tip. I’m just giving my readers what they want.My readers = my genitals
Because I’m a humanitarian, and I love making people happy, and…oh, who am I kidding. People suck.
People are like slinkies, useless most of the time but guaranteed to raise a smile when you push them down the stairs.
