The PostGame

Tomorrow in Indianapolis’s RCA Dome, the most talented young football players in the country begin gathering in their attempts to woo NFL scouts and secure the media attention and enormous bonuses that a high draft spot can bring. (See 2007 combine results.)

As ESPN.com reports,

The 2008 NFL scouting combine officially kicks off Wednesday with offensive linemen, tight ends, kickers, punters and specialists arriving in Indianapolis. The final group — defensive backs — shows up Saturday. Kickers and punters will work out at the RCA Dome on Friday. Workouts for position players begin Saturday with offensive linemen and tight ends, and finish Feb. 26 with cornerbacks and safeties.

Each player will be assessed for four days. The tough physical workout occurres on the fourth day and includes the 40-yard dash, bench press, three-cone drill, broad jump, vertical leap, 20-yard shuttle, 60-yard shuttle and position drills.

The controversial Wonderlic Test is taken on the second and third days. The Wonderlic is scored out out of a possible 50 points, with offensive tackles (25) and centers (24) leading the pack. Fullbacks (17) and halfbacks (16) receive the lowest scores on average.

Chris Leak falls somewhere between brine shrimp and inert gases. For the record, Vince Young’s much-ballyhooed score of 6 was allegedly a mistake.

I’m pretty skeptical as to how well the Wonderlic predicts success in the NFL. Hell, the SAT’s taken by high school students only vaguely predict college academic performance, and those are ostensibly measuring the same thing.

There, kids, I said it: the SAT’s are a joke. Don’t worry about studying for them, instead, feel free to smoke some drugs or do some sex. Or whatever you call it now. SAT scores are about as worthless as horoscopes or blood pressure numbers.

Maybe I’m just angry because I spent the night before my SAT’s with Jennifer Nicole Lee and subsequently only scored a 25 out of the possible 1600 points on the test.

But man, oh man, was it worth it. Even if I did have to go to Subway University instead of Stanford University. Because let’s be honest: I probably wasn’t going to make it into Stanford anyway. And those Subway cookies are pretty damn good. Just like Jennifer Nicole Lee.

^ Don’t laugh, it’s hard work looking this stupid

I know it’s been about, oh, three months since I’ve written a post, but I’ve had the flu. And shingles. And a mild bout of gonorrhea. Let’s see, what’s happened since November? Jamie Lynn Spears got pregnant, the Democrats narrowed their list down to a black guy and a woman, and the Giants beat the Patriots in Super Bowl XVII.

I KNOW, it’s crazy, right? I mean, Spears is only 16 years old and she’s pregnant! She’s definitely off to a good start. Well, that’s what she gets for playing hockey without a goalie, if you know what I mean. I’d also like to present an award to the mother of Jamie Lynn and Britney, Lynn Spears. She is obviously a dedicated mother. It’s hard work raising TWO kids who turn out to be train wrecks.

Regarding the collapse of the 2007 New England Patriots, who were once being heralded as the greatest team in history, I think we’ve conclusively proven that girlfriends in attendance are deadly for NFL quarterbacks. First Romo and Carrie Underwood, then Romo and Jessica Simpson, and finally Tom Brady and Victoria’s Secret model Gisele Bundchen. I can’t say I minded seeing her on the Super Bowl broadcast every thirty seconds or so, but now she has to break up with him. Losing the Super Bowl when you were favored by two touchdowns? That’s embarrasing. It’s a good thing Brady is also the father of Jamie Lynn’s baby; at least he has a new family to look forward to.

To conclude, here’s Gisele Bundchen and Jamie Lynn Spears. Man, that would make quite a tag team. Ahem, once Spears turns eighteen, of course.