The Tar Heels avenged their earlier home loss to Duke this year by winning 76-68 in Cameron Stadium last night to win the ACC championship outright and secure a likely #1 seed for the NCAA tournament.
I hate both of these teams because I’m from South Carolina, which is Milhouse to North Carolina’s Bart when it comes to things like basketball, jobs, education, and not living in trailers. After two hours of hearing Dick Vitale make verbal love to Tyler “Get your han’s off me, bro” Hansbrough, I needed some cheering up. So here’s Bridget Moynahan.
Once again, the North Carolina Tar Heels have broken Clemson’s heart. After a frustrating 90-88 OT loss in Clemson on January 6th, the Tigers went on the road hoping to break UNC’s 51-game home winning streak against them. However, North Carolina managed to overcome a 15 point second-half deficit to force overtime and eventually get the win, 103-93.
UNC desperately needed the win to stay within spitting distance of rival Duke in the tough Atlantic Coast Conference. Tyler Hansbrough scored 13 of his 39 points in overtime and Wayne Ellington added 28 overall to keep the Tar Heels two games behind the first-place Blue Devils. Clemson dropped to 5-4 in the conference.
I’m almost to the point where I can’t watch North Carolina basketball games anymore. It seems like it always turns into a competition between the announcers to see who can verbally suck Tyler Hansbrough’s dick the most. Yes, he is a good, probably great, player. That doesn’t mean I want to hear the talking heads spend the entire game talking about how awesome he is.
One of the guys on FSN yesterday referred to him as the “Great White Shark.” At that point I probably would’ve thrown my beer bottle at the TV if it wasn’t too drunk to move. Try to look at the picture below and honestly tell me that you don’t want to kick him in the face. You can’t do it, can you?
Also, I know something else you can’t do, because I read all your emails and I know you ordered those pills. Now Paypal me $10 or I will tell everyone your dirty little secret.
Last night in Rupp Arena, Gardner-Webb shocked the hometown Kentucky fans by beating the Wildcats 84-68, earning the tiny North Carolina school a berth to the Sports College Hoops Classic semifinals in New York. This was no nail-biter; Gardner-Webb led by 11 at halftime and maintained at least a 7-point lead in the second half.
Gardner-Webb just joined Division I in 2000 and won only nine games last year. They’ve had three 20-loss seasons in this decade alone. The game was Billy Gillispie’s second as Kentucky’s coach after leading his Florida Gators to a national championship last year.
Attention college athletes: Please stop. I can’t handle any more. Last Friday in college hoops, Grand Valley State took down #8 Michigan State 85-82 in an exhibition game. Now this.
There has already been a laundry list of upsets in college football this year. It started with Appalachian State defeating then-#5 Michigan in Michigan Stadium, continued with Stanford beating #2 USC, and hasn’t shown any signs of abating since then. With the new basketball season, I was hoping for some semblance of normality to return to college sports, but this isn’t a good start.Especially since I’m a Kentucky basketball fan. I pray to an altar of Rick Pitino’s image every night. Sometimes he talks back.
Apparently I will have to quit watching sports and start tuning in to “Extreme Makeover: West Virginia Edition”, where Dr. Phil teaches illiterate southerners to read, with some marital counseling and home remodeling thrown in.
Just kidding. Watching Dr. Phil is like having a two-fist prostate exam. I’d rather drink absinthe and stick my nutsack in a toaster oven.
^ Disclaimer: However warm and inviting it may look, do not stick your nutsack in a toaster oven.
