The PostGame

Actor, comedian, and long-time Yankees fan Billy Crystal received the call he’s been waiting “50 years for“:

With the approval of MLB commissioner Bud Selig, the Yankees announced that Crystal will sign the contract and work out with the team at Legends Field on Wednesday, before playing in Thursday’s Grapefruit League game against the Pittsburgh Pirates.

I know that baseball isn’t attracting as many fans as it used to, with the steroid scandal hurting the image of the national pastime and faster-paced sports like basketball and football grabbing the youth demographic. Not to mention the Lingerie Football League. Warning: do not click on that link if you value your bandwidth But couldn’t they at least sign somebody cool like The Rock or Hannah Montana? Crystal is like 90 years old, and hasn’t done anything good since “City Slickers”. (If you mention “My Giant” to me, I swear I will jump through your computer screen and stab you in the eyeball.)

Back to the Lingerie Football League, how the HELL was I not aware of this glorious organization until two days ago? It’s like suddenly discovering that you won the lottery, or that you can fly, or that Andy Rooney finally died.

^ Lost his mind about 35 years ago.

Anyway, for those of you not familiar with the LFL, it’s girls in lingerie playing football, thereby combining three of every guy’s five favorite things. If they could somehow incorporate meatball subs and fighting monkeys, that would hit the jackpot.

But I can’t really complain; the league is pretty damn entertaining as it is. They say a picture is worth thousand words, so in that case this photo collection is like a complete erotic novel. Except, you know, it’s for guys.

And, finally, just a hot girl holding a football.

I really don’t know what to say here. Roger Clemens is currently in the middle of an ugly congressional hearing where his ex-personal trainer, Brian McNamee, continues to testify that he injected the seven-time Cy Young Award winner with steroids multiple times during his career.

Recently, however, a new story emerged:

McNamee told congressional investigators he injected Debbie Clemens with HGH — at the seven-time Cy Young Award winner’s direction — before the couple posed for a 2003 Sports Illustrated swimsuit edition photo shoot, a lawyer familiar with his testimony said Friday.

That’s right. Apparently either the Clemens family is ridiculously competitive to the point where his wife wanted to look buffer (or is it “more buff”?) than other athlete’s wives, or Brian McNamme is completely crazy. Or both.

I remember that 2003 SI issue. In fact, I remember every SI swimsuit edition since I was 16, because I’m a pervert.

Here’s the original Debbie Clemens picture from the issue, still hosted on the front page of DebbieClemens.com:

(Update: Feb. 18, 2008 - The DebbieClemens.com site has been down for a few days. I’m going to go ahead and start the rumor that she was busted for illegally distributing MP3’s and/or selling weapons to North Korea.)

Fun fact: DebbieClemens.com looks like a fifth-grader’s MySpace page and plays annoying music when it opens. This alone makes me want to believe that she took HGH, because I hate sites that start playing music automatically. Also, she is sporting a ridiculous six-pack, and women in their forties with kids just don’t look like that naturally.

For research purposes only, here’s the cover of that 2003 issue:

And I didn’t realize it until now, but Sports Illustrated offers an online archive of every swimsuit edition since 1996. That’s right, folks. FINALLY, you can use the interweb to look at pictures of hot girls. And you thought it was just for looking at Friendster and Geocities pages with your Netscape browser! And for finding fellow furries, of course.

In summary, the Clemens’s are crazy, and God bless SI.com.