As the last lights on Super Bowl XLV flicker and I wade through a pile of confetti coated in cheese, here are my final thoughts on a super game:
Things I Noticed
The field didn’t look quite right. I was told it was made up of chopped up tennis shoes and tires, but still thought the field had something to do with the conga line of players heading to the locker room in the second quarter.
What kind of a Big Brother/Real World box suite was that? Ashton Kutcher, Condoleezza Rice, John Madden, Michael Douglas, Laura Bush ... Some network’s hurting for ratings.
More people wanted the Packers to win than the Steelers and Big Ben is a huge part of that.
Monkey ads are funny.
All this beer and cheese, how do Wisconsinites do it regularly? (Pardon the pun.)
Ashton Kutcher looked like he was consciously trying to keep himself from “punking” GW Bushie who was sitting in front of him.
Pepsi Max went heavy with the violence in their ads. And contrary to what the trailer for “Just Go With It” thinks, crotch shots are out of vogue these days. Give it some time; I’m sure they’ll be back.
The Doritos ad where the dog breaks down the door was telegraphed the moment the ad started.
When Packers receiver Jordy Nelson drops a ball, always go back to him. He’ll do right by you the next time.
Good ads this year were the product placement spot for Bud Light, the Doritos reincarnation spot, the Volkswagen Darth Vader ad, and the Snickers ad with Richard Lewis and Roseanne Barr, though all of these would be hard-pressed to make the top 50 of all-time Super Bowl ads.
Justin Bieber is reaching the zenith of his popularity. He shall soon plummet back down to earth, most likely losing himself in drugs and dangerous street urchins, eventually being convicted of a hair-on-hair crime.
We made it 17 minutes after kickoff (real time, not game time) before people started bringing out their “squares.” It’s great when you go through the permutations in your head – “If the Packers just score another touchdown, then get a safety, and then agree with the Steelers to trade scores at halftime, I win!”
Things I Learned
Bart Starr, Text Favre and Aaron Rodgers were all 27 when they won their first Super Bowls.
My numbers in the square pool could only be attained if the league started keeping score in fractions.
Kim Hill was the original female in Black Eyed Peas. She was replaced as a business decision by their manager, I’m told by her friend who sat next to me continually cursing Fergie during the game. She has also donated a kidney to her brother.
Fans will never learn that their greatest worry should not be the other team, but rather, hubris. I was part of an e-mailing that asked if anyone wanted to attend a movie screening after the game and one Steelers fan responded with, “I can’t go as I’ll be celebrating the Steelers 7th Super Bowl championship.” Oooof, bad form.
If Christina Aguilera sings and there’s a prediction on time, always take the “over.”
I have influence over who wins the Super Bowl. Another friend included me on a mass texting that said, “Fear the Beard.” (Reference to Steelers defensive lineman Brett Keisel.) Do not break this chain as it will curse the Steelers in the Super Bowl. Forward this to all your Steelers friends.”
In the words of Keyshawn Johnson, “C’mon, man!” I can’t be given such an ultimatum and expected to respect it. It’s like that red button with a sign on it that says, “Do Not Press.” To me, it’s opposite day and I am pressing that button.
I deleted the text and the Steelers lost. Yes, it may be a simple case of Ad Hoc, ergo Propter Hoc, but I challenge you to prove I didn’t have anything to do with the Steelers loss.
Snickers satisfies, but nothing satisfies as much as seeing Roseanne Barr get wrecked by a tree trunk. Thank you, Snickers.
Things I Question
The Black Eyed Peas as a Super Bowl act? Had they really run out of all-time rock acts? The Super Bowl was in Texas. Where was ZZ Top?
My friend looked at me and said, “What songs do they sing besides this [‘I Gotta Feeling’]?” We remembered there was another song [“Let’s Get It Started”], but couldn’t remember its name.
“They’ll do those two and then covers, I guess,” was my response.
Sure enough, they went into “Sweet Child of Mine,” presenting Slash, then had Usher sing a song. Then the Peas did another cover. By that time, I couldn’t take the auto tuner effect and stopped listening.
All this was through the constant cursing of Fergie in the background. Her using Slash as a stripper pole was especially bashed.
Homeaway.com’s judgment. Their commercial was in the lab where families on vacation are studied in hotel rooms. The father sits on the bed quickly which catapults the baby into the window. When the 2-year-old in the room turns and asks, “Mommy, was that a real baby?” it’s probably not a good idea for a commercial.
A-Rod and Cameron Diaz?
And now let talk of how Big Ben is one of the all-time great quarterbacks (though he had never won so much as a Super Bowl MVP before) dissipate and talk of how the Packers are "primed for a repeat" commence.
For those of you who had shut it down weeks ago, just a little pick me up –- pitchers and catchers report in less than two weeks. So transfer your mind from lockdown corners to locking down the hot corner. And please, no more cheese. Oh, God, what if the Brewers make it to the World Series this year?