Rory McIlroy
"Getting some treatment on my arm in the ladies locker room in new haven..... Not a bad place to be ;) @CaroWozniacki"
How I See It: No. 6-ranked golfer in the world at age 21, dating a beautiful Danish blonde, who happens to be the No. 1-ranked tennis player in the world ... life's not so bad.

Mardy Fish
"Happy Birthday @andyroddick"
How I See It: Oh, and by the way, I'm 13 spots ahead of you in the world rankings.

Larry Fitzgerald
"Faith is what you believe, not how you feel.... #FaithFocusFinish"
How I See It: Did "faith" put $100 million in your pocket?

Heath Bell
"Still a SD padre"
How I See It: ... but the front office is annoying the crap out of me.

Plaxico Burress
"About to hit the movies with the family to see the Smurfs. Looking forward to the Reese's pieces and blue slurpee. Maybe gummi bears too."
How I See It: Don't bring a gun.

Michael Strahan
"Congrats to Jay-Z and Beyonce on the pregnancy!! Musical child will be born.... Damn!!"
How I See It: I wish I was that baby.

Hakim Warrick
"5-1 not a bad 1st day.... #maddennation Gn world"
How I See It: Don't play too much. You're going to have a lot of free time this winter ...

Lamar Odom
"What's going on guys?! I feel like i haven't been on in foreva. What's going on?"
How I See It: No, you're on "Keeping up With the Kardashians" reruns every day.

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Adam Jones
"We got the split. Now let's take the series mañana. Never easy against them damn Yankees. But it's never suppose to be easy"
How I See It: Who knew Adam Jones knew so much theater history?

Stephon Marbury
"David Stern Jim Dolan, Isaiah Thomas, Larry Brown, Mike Dantioni thank you for making me into the person I am today.- Jesus?U"
How I See It: Wait ... what? What just happened?

Brian Cushing
"Entourage is getting more and more disappointing every week"
How I See It: Pessimist. Take that attitude into Week 1, and another disappointing season in Houston will begin.

Alex Morgan
"Eto'o you're getting paid what??? wow"
How I See It: Yes, he's getting paid a little more than your average Western New York Flash teammate.

Novak Djokovic
"Look at this little fella :) always hungry! Haha http://t.co/NJ9bGTw"
How I See It: Not gonna lie, I thought this was going to be a picture of Andy Murray. It's not as mean as I thought.

Andy Murray
"This is what happens when you are stuck in a hotel room for 2 days...... http://t.co/cao7nmg"
How I See It: He probably actually is pretty hungry ...

Kris Humphries
"I love being in the U.S"
How I See It: Oh, did you not enjoy your romantic honeymoon in Europe with Kim Kardashian? Poor baby.

Eric Wright
"Kanye was jealous of Chris Browns performance.. Lmao #ThatIsAll"
How I See It: And now Taylor Swift's jealous that he got to finish before Kanye stopped him.

Matt Duchene
"How much does Lady Gaga scare you? Let's hear it haha"
How I See It: Can you really be that afraid of a woman who travels in an egg?

Matt Moulson
"I've decided I'm going to get Lil Wayne's teeth #blingedoutgrill"
How I See It: Getting grills? Not the best decision for a hockey player.

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Jason Thompson
"I Swear I Jus Felt a EarthQuake in Jersey!!!! O_O"
How I See It: Are you sure it wasn't just Mike "The Situation" flexing?

Hunter Pence
"Wow Earthquake just shook the entire locker room!"
How I See It: Nope, that was actually just crazy Philadelphia fans in the stands, but I understand why you'd think that.

Brent Celek
"Sorry Philadelphia. I dropped a dumbbell"
How I See It: Well, Hunter, there's your answer.


Ryan Newman
"Anyone else feel that earthquake?"
How I See It: No, no one else. You were the only one.

Hope Solo
"Storm in chicago!!!! Help! I wanna go home!!!! Stuck on tarmac, not fun! #fb"
How I See It: Oh boo hoo, a rain storm. At least you're not in the middle of a freaking earthquake!

DeMarcus Cousins
"The whole gym just started shaking!"
How I See It: ... after a thunderous slam by DeMarcus Cousins.

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Rod Benson
"Waittt.... I just woke up at 2am to news of an earthquake on the east coast? Now you have no reason NOT to live in California hahaha"
How I See It: p.m.*

Tony Hawk
"Earthquake... on the East Coast? Feels like home."
How I See It: Insert skateboarder term here: ______ (radical, gnarly, wicked, etc.)

Donte' Stallworth
"YOOOOOOOOOO!!!!! Was that an EARTHQUAKE in Virginia??? Everybody TOOK OFF in the locker room!! And of course I grabbed my phone to tweet lol"
How I See It: Donte', you never fail to impress. This is actually ridiculous.

Evan Turner
"The earthquake better not happen while I'm bench pressing or It could get ugly"
How I See It: Exactly. Because earthquakes are like weather and travel from one part of the country to another in an extended period of time.

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John Calipari
"I'm on my way to the Dominican Republic and I'm very excited about the opportunity to learn and grow as a coach."
How I See It: And find a big name to recruit when nobody's watching.

Tristian Thompson
"Good morning everyone. Thank the man upstairs for waking us up today."
How I See It: Rowdy residents on the next floor? We all have those.

Julio Jones
"#Hungry"
How I See It: #Eat

Greivis Vazquez
"Gracias a  por todas las! #blessed"
How I See It: I caught that last part.

Darren Clarke
"Only one sea trout so far :("
How I See It: You really just shut down all focus on golf, didn't you?

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Mike Conley
"Couldn't tell if they were real or fake."
How I See It: The lockout? It's real. I swear.

DeAndre Jordan
"Planet of the Apes...hope it's good!"
How I See It: Oh, I thought you might hope it'd be mad.

TJ Ford
"Should I play overseas ????"
How I See It: I don't know...last time you went to an international team, it didn't turn out too well @torontoraptors

DeAndre Jordan
"How was The Rise of the Planet of the Apes???"
How I See It: Gosh, someone's a little impatient.

Greg Monroe
"What?"
How I See It: Never mind.

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Annika Sorenstam
"Dow Jones plunges more than 500 points. None of my stocks were in green...yikes !"
How I See It: For the first time in her life, Annika is worried about going too low. Seriously though, it's too bad that portfolios aren't measured like golf scores these days.

John Elway
"Saturday's scrimmage will be a great opportunity for Coach Fox and staff to see how the players handle game situations."
How I See It: It will also be a great opportunity for Kyle Orton to prove once again that he is a better QB than Tim Tebow yet not get the starting gig.

James Farrior
"Jersey shore!! I'm hooked"
How I See It: Farrior defended himself soon after by tweeting, "Come on tweeps. Don't be so hard. It's just a silly show" and "Don't worry steeler nation. We still like smashing faces!lol" but I still feel like he lost a lot of his ability to intimidate opponents today.

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Shawne Merriman
"Long night practice coming back tomorrow and picking up the tempo great to have the fans out there today we really appreciate you"
How I See It: Merriman is finally beginning to realize how much more invested fans are in their team when they don't have San Diego beaches to spend their time at.

Paul Maholm
"Obviously none of us r happy but don't jump ship we got 25 guys who #BELIEVES"
How I See It: Don't worry about the Pirates fans. They've been handling disappointment well for two decades. In fact, they were really less comfortable when their team was near the top of the standings and receiving national attention.

Deion Sanders
"Prime is at HOF welcome reception. Didn't know about it so no suit planned but Prime brought extras. Im the only 1 without his family. Lol"
How I See It: Neon Deion would forget about a reception being held in his honor ... but still have an extra suit with him to make everything OK. That said, the second part of this tweet about Sanders being alone is just downright depressing.

Phillip Buchanon
"I grade myself a C.. for today... #redskins"
How I See It: I assume that the Redskins hashtag was included to indicate the use of a Washington Redskins grading curve when Buchanon assessed his performance. Considering how inept the 'Skins are, no one would ever pass if not for the generous curve.

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Braylon Edwards
"Damn. Get ya knuckles ready"
How I See It: Gotta love tweeting while your gang is in the middle of a bar fight. This will definitely help raise your next contract.

Tiger Woods
"Feeling fit and ready to tee it up at Firestone next week. Excited to get back out there!"
How I See It: Golf injuries: Can't live with 'em, can't live without 'em.

Alex Morgan
"Bachelorette finale yes I watched it and yes I'm happy with the ending! I won't ruin it for you west coast people..."
How I See It: "The Bachelorette" could shatter viewing records if it casts Alex Morgan.

Antonio Cromartie
"They say Cro is back, Cro is back all #GangGreen fans say is Cro...lol I'm on my FLT headed home glad 2 b a JET...let's go win a Superbowl"
How I See It: They also say Cro was option No. 2 after Nnamdi went elsewhere. But think what you want.

Heath Bell
"No matter what happens today, I still play for the big man upstairs. Thank you Lord for the many blessings that you have given."
How I See It: Amen.

Chad Ochocinco
"God is so Good #Heaven http://twitpic.com/60031a"
How I See It: You have the same coach as Heath Bell?!?

Plaxico Burress
"I have a great question. Why is Chris Carter not in the Hall of Fame yet? The man was one of the best EVER to play the position. ThatsCrazy!"
How I See It: I have a great question: If I shoot myself in the leg with an unregistered weapon, will I have a $3 million contract waiting for me two years later?

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