Brian Wilson
"Memorial Day. America. Victory. Always winning. Air Force scholarship announced today. Learn more about it at http://bit.ly/j6SwcX"
How I See It: Only Brian Wilson can connect Memorial Day, his fight to cure cancer, and Charlie Sheen in one tweet.

Carmelo Anthony
"Like father like son. He get it from his daddy. http://say.ly/WdtmD1"
How I See It: At first glance, I thought he was going to have a cigar in his hand too.

LeBron James
"Who wants to take their talents to South Beach for a game? http://on.fb.me/jS7HgL"
How I See It: Darn it, LeBron. Stop talking in the third person.

Shawn Marion
"Mavs taking there skills to south beach here we come"
How I See It: Now, I respect that.

Tim Tebow
"God bless the men and women who gave their lives for our freedom. Have a great Memorial Day everyone! #FreedomIsNotFree"
How I See It: Leave it to Tim Tebow to throw out the most conservative statement possible on Memorial Day.

Mike Conley
"Tough day for buckeyes fans ....."
How I See It: I'd certainly say so.

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Eric Wright
"Fellas pls make sure u keep the chick u walkin wit to the inside of the street.. You walk closest to the street.."
How I See It: Eric "McLovin" Wright knows how treat a woman.

Kim Glass
"Sunday Funday has JUST begun... Late start but better late than never ;0} cheeeeeaaaaaaa "
How I See It: I think Kim just made the first double chin emoticon Twitter has ever seen.

LaMarcus Aldridge
"Nothing is like Cabo Mexican food !"
How I See It: Well, I'd like to think Taco Bell is pretty close.

Ryan Grant
"I have no idea what was written on my twitter lol.. But it def wasn't me .. #leftonline"
How I See It: That's what they all say.

Zab Judah
"Very windy in Vegas today!!!"
How I See It: What happens in Vegas stays in Vegas ... so that means don’t Tweet about it.

Alana Beard
"Is it an insult to compare your dog's teeth to someone's baby's teeth?"
How I See It: Only if the dog you are comparing it to is Fluffy from Harry Potter.

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Leonard Weaver
"The doctor just took a mold of my foot!!!!”
How I See It: Foot modeling, the No. 1 job for locked out NFLers.

Jay Feely
"Bulls seriously have a hula hoop dancer at midcourt for the halftime show??? That's all they could get?”
How I See It: Hey, man, don't be so gruff, times are tough. Anyway, all the good acts are still recovering from Oprah's finale.

Visanthe Schiancoe
"Damn.. who can hoola hoop like that."
How I See It: Here is proof that the adage, “One man’s trash is another’s treasure” applies to halftime entertainment as well.

Caleb Campbell
"Oh Tiki Barber...."
How I See It: How dare you invoke his name in vain.

Chad Ochocinco
"Due 2 thelockout i'm marching with the band RT @WatchMy_Duuust: @ochocinco u goin to the Atlanta Classic.SU vs FAMU n Atl September 24?"
How I See It: Chad, unless you know something that we don't, I wouldn't just assume the lockout will still be on four months from now.

Jalen Rose
"I'm getting old....this will be my 10th straight season covering the NBA Finals! #I love this game!"
How I See It: You sure are, especially considering the fact that “I love this game” hasn't been the NBA's slogan for years.

Michael Oher
"How in the Hell do you get Bullied in college??"
How I See It: It's a lot easier to get bullied when you don't weigh over 300 pounds and don't play on the football team.

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Prince Amukamara
"Season Finale! #gleek"
How I See It: This sure isn't what Giants fans signed up for. They'll be thinking about this every time Prince goes for a big hit next season.

John Isner
"TThanks everyone for the kind words. Was fun out there today. Rafa is pretty good at tennis"
How I See It: Rafa's all right, but I thought you were the king of five-set matches ... kidding, kidding. Valiant effort.

Kareem Abdul-Jabbar
"I love to listen to NPR. I will be live on NPRs AirTalk with Larry Mantle Wednesday May 25th at 10:40 AM- 11:00 AM PST. Hope you will listen"
How I See It: I'll listen. But will the Lakers? @Jerry Buss

Tiger Woods
"Press conference time. Off to visit with my best friends."
How I See It: Either Tiger has an amazing new sense of humor or his Twitter got hacked. Either way, this is awesome.

C.J. Spiller
"My lil angel graduating from pre-k she ask me was I proud of her n said yes I'm very proud http://t.co/hon001t"
How I See It: You act as if there was a chance you wouldn't be proud of her.

Sean Weatherspoon
"Just chopped it up with my homie @EliteStarMag much luv bro"
How I See It: If this means what I think it does, you do realize there's drug testing in the NFL? I am honestly speechless right now. On Twitter? Really?

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Kristi Yamaguchi
"Big thx to everyone who came out to Costco yesterday! If u snapped a pic, be sure to upload & tag on Facebook. :)"
How I See It: Oh, the downfall of Olympic figure skaters. It has come to this: Promoting a book next to 48-packs of soda. Too bad the golden years are long gone.

Kevin Durant
"Go grab that "selfmade" featuring my brother @Wale and the homies @MeekMill pill and @rickyrozay http://bit.ly/SelfMadeiTunes"
How I See It: Try to keep that away from Russell Westbrook. Anything with "self" in it can't help him.

JaVale McGee
"Goin to chipotle then weights -P"
How I See It: So in other words, you're going to down 1,000 calories and then try to burn it all off? My recommendation would be to at least settle for a burrito bowl.

Chad Ochocinco
"This has got to be the laziest #LapGiraffe ever!!! http://twitpic.com/51myht"
How I See It: You could have said this giraffe was the smallest or cutest or some other positive "wordest," but instead you had to make it negative. Nice going.

Greg Jennings
"Anyone in heaven yet...lol"
How I See It: Is this a shot at @brettfavre?

Michael Oher
"#20cutestfollowers Should I?"
How I See It: Apparently not Ochocinco's giraffe.

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Jalen Rose
""Everything around us is made up of energy....to attract positive things in your life,start by giving off positive energy" #inspiration"
How I See It: Don't you mean give off negative energy? Opposites attract, you know that!

Nate Clements
"What a day leaving Chuckie Cheese"
How I See It: I thought that was strictly for children under the age of 10 ...

Shaun Phillips
"Bam got to my flight and got bumped to first class."
How I See It: That’s more of a "wahooooo" than a "bam."

Leonard Weaver
"Also, not to mention, don't listen to the crazy people trying to predict the exact day, the world will end..... They don't know nothing!"
How I See It: Wait, double negative, so they know everything! Woah.

Kenny Wallace
"I want to tell you all about my day so here we go in the next couple tweets"
How I See It: Save everybody the trouble and just get a blog. Like Twitter, they're free too.

Greg Olsen
"Had a great time and the police vs fire dept. FB game in Chicago. Great to support two groups who do so mch for us all."
How I See It: Wait a second! If the police and the fire department are playing, then who's protecting the city?

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Baron Davis
"LOL and its still #FearTheBeard @JHarden13"
How I See It: Everyone also talks about the conspiracy between Team USA members to get together on whichever team possible. However, I've always known it was the brotherhood of bearded ballers we should have been worrying about the whole time. Those guys really stick together.

Al-Farouq Aminu
"i am going with dal just cause lol"
How I See It: Anyone else see a career in broadcasting in Aminu's future? He could be the next Charles Barkley.

Blake Griffin
"Hangover 2 premier with @RyanKalil can't wait."
How I See It: Don't set your expectations too high. The second installment never provides the same wall-to-wall entertainment that the first brought. You know, just like what will be said about your second season.

Garrett Hartley
"Playing some tiger tiger woods mentally preparing myself for tomorrows charity golf tourney !!"
How I See It: Mr. Hartley, I hope you know that playing the video game won't prepare you for the real thing. Although, that habit would explain your previously inexplicable missed chip shot in OT against the Falcons last year.

Vernon Davis
"I replace the positive with the negative"
How I See It: While this kind of attitude might sound negative, it should actually be considered optimistic relative to everyone else's state of mind during this increasingly depressing NFL lockout.

LeSean McCoy
"Don't u hate when people tell u everything u want to hear n u find out they B LYING SNEAKY....."
How I See It: All right, guess it is time to 'fess up. LeSean, no the lockout hasn't ended and no, Andy Reid has not been replaced by a coach who values a running game and/or running backs. Sorry.

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Graeme McDowell
"Oops. That was not the day I wanted. Bogied 6 and 7 and went completely flat. Chased it and couldn't make it happen. Onwards and upwards."
How I See It: Thanks, Captain Obvious.

Carlos Delgado
"un dia de estos va a parar de llover...."
How I See It: Translation: One day, I was a superstar. The next, I was a Met.

Tiger Woods
"Bummed that my left leg has me on the sidelines, but I want, and expect, to be at the US Open. Will do all I can to get there."
How I See It: Tiger should come to the next few tournaments in a suit like an injured NBA player.

John Calipari
"Headed to the Dominican Republic. I'll check in later."
How I See It: I'd just like to remind you that all NCAA recruiting laws apply to foreign recruits, as well (see Enes Kanter).

Michael Huff
"Never let basketball come between a friendship....."
How I See It: @kobebryant @shaquilleoneal

Stuart Holden
"Overwhemled with appreciation! Thx, cnt wait 2 get back tom! :) RT @BWFC_Dave: Stu Holden crowned Junior Whites Player of the Year' #bwfc"
How I See It: Is that for the young player with the best bleached hair?

Andy Roddick
"An Italian bird just shat on me"
How I See It: Cool.

Nate Robinson
"Man ull flip ur cheese bra lol #WorDaApP #swag-swag RT @Rico_swagged_up: @nate_robinson @KendallKjear I got my rent money on Nate Lmao"
How I See It: No idea what that all means, but just give the ball to Kevin Durant and everything will be okay.

Steve Nash
"RT @MR_RETWEET_: Im so done wit the suns! The ceo jus announce he's gay.@stevenash please leave(Perfect example of how we still need to grow"
How I See It: Did Steve Nash really just a retweet a comment about how the Suns should get rid of him and rebuild? Is nobody in the Phoenix front office panicking yet?

Clay Matthews
"If LA traffic is dumb... NY is just stupid. Whole nother lever!"
How I See It: Yeah, but in LA, they just shake off your criticism. In NY, they don't take any crap. I recommend getting the hell out of Manhattan before someone sees this.

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Kevin Durant
"Man they be cheatin terrible on angry birds...make me wanna throw my phone out the window.."
How I See It: And to think Kevin would be a little more relaxed today. Don't worry! There's no elimination round in Angry Birds.

Ozzie Guillen
"U are the man"
How I See It: My guess is that this wasn't meant for an umpire.

Dwyane Wade
"I had 2 laugh at ths..I was playing my oldest son Zaire on his nerf rim & he dunked & said Gibson while screaming..L2MS Kids u gotta luv em"
How I See It: Something tells me Pat Riley and Eric Spoelstra don't have a sense of humorabout this.

David Ortiz
"Check me out in the streets of New York. Thanks again . http://bit.ly/k0dp7d"
How I See It: These hugs are definitely staged (not that I'm a biased Yankee fan or anything).

Curtis Granderson
"lots of proms going on tonight around the country. PLEASE BE SAFE!!!"
How I See It: Thanks, Mom.

Jeremy Shockey
""God invented whiskey to keep the Irish from ruling the world" - Ed McMahon"
How I See It: I thought he invented it to keep Jeremy Shockey from being the best tight end in the league.

Jozy Altidore
"So sorry to the guy that came to the game today in the USA jersey nd scarf I didn't get a chance to say hi after the game! Thanks for coming"
How I See It: Relax, Jozy. It was probably just your dad.

Floyd Mayweather, Jr.
"Apparently Floyd Mayweather Knows a Thing or Two About PED Testing - http://moneyte.am/fht - Article by Dr. Johnny Benjamin"
How I See It: Seriously? Tweeting an article from December 2009? We get it, you wanted stricter PED testing. Now can you stop making excuses, fight Pacquiao and save professional boxing?

Luke Donald
"A solid week, but a lot of what if's too. The upside, I didn't have my best this week and still had a chance. #keepgettingbetter"
How I See It: Yeah, only your seventh consecutive PGA Tour top-10 finish. No big deal.

LeBron James
"Can't sleep! To excited right now. Breaking down film til I fall back to sleep"
How I See It: Maybe if you would have stayed up and watched that film instead of taking a nap all day, you would have figured out how to get past Luol Deng.

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Chad Ochocinco
"Why read the book when you can write your own...page 85 says Why fit in when you can stand out,it's really congested living inside the box."
How I See It: Is it ironic that you quoted page ocho cinco of your book?

Tony Hawk
"Customs agent at LAX: "Your name looks familiar. Are you that oldest skateboarder guy?""
How I See It: I'm sure you get that a lot.

Gary Guyton
"I am hungry and my dad is trying to make me watch this movie. I am about to get really mad and loose it."
How I See It: You know it is possible to watch a movie and eat food at the same time. It's actually pretty common.

Maurice Jones-Drew
"Who's in atlanta and what is there to do"
How I See It: Call Roddy. I'm sure he could help you out.

Brandon McDonald
"#winning http://t.co/ihR921x
How I See It: You are not Charlie Sheen.

Mark Schlereth
"@ochocinco that's 1.5 seconds longer than 99.9999% of the world would have lasted brother! Whether it was courage or crazy u get my respect!"
How I See It: It looks like Ochocinco will not be exiting the NFL and become a professional bull rider any time soon.

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