Mardy Fish
"Congrats to my best friend in the world @jakeowen on his first #1 song! Barefoot Blue Jean Night!"
How I See It: But I'm not going to congratulate Jo-Wilfred Tsonga. I hate that dumb***.

Caroline Wozniacki
"So proud of @McIlroyRory who is back to number 4 in the world after a good last week:)"
How I See It: Cute. Now focus on validating your No. 1 ranking.

Alexander Ovechkin
"Great to be part of #Nike. Its going to be amazing ahahaha!!!"
How I See It: Is that an evil laugh mocking the 99.9 percent of the world's population who do not have multi-million dollar Nike endorsement contracts? Cold, Alex.

Mark Teixeira
"And for the record, GT was 3-0 vs UGA while I was in college ('98-'00)."
How I See It: One win for each of your children in private school in Greenwich. #entourage

Andy Roddick
"Louis armstrong it's been too long..... I'll see you tomorrow!!!!"
How I See It: In other words, Andy Roddick is really old and past his prime.

Evander Kane
"Will Arrive in #swaggerville tomorrow night! Time for the hockey season to begin."
How I See It: Is that what the cool kids are calling Winnipeg now?

Tim Tebow
"Psalm 37:4-5"
How I See It: Thou shall not start another quarterback over me...or two.

Tim Tebow
"Jeremiah 26:14"
How I See It: God still wears Tim Tebow's underpants.

Luke Donald
"@coachfitz51 nice win today Coach, 1-0"
How I See It: Northwestern is the new Stanford. #sorrytiger

Roger Mason, Jr.
"Got a big meeting tomorrow with the NBA. I'm hoping we can make some serious progress."
How I See It: Yeah, it's kinda-sorta big. It's not like there's a lockout going on or anything.