Enough with the blitzes and cover twos, the I-formation and the shotgun, the play-action and the bootleg. Blah, blah, blah. We've heard them scrutinize Auburn and Florida State using X's and O's for too long. Now, let's finally get down to the real BCS national championship breakdown ...
Auburn Vs. Florida State: Pro Wrestling, Team Mascots And Brent Musburger Slideshow
Female Fan Made Famous by Brent Musburger
Just about every young woman has felt violated by the prying eyes of a creepy older guy at one time or another. These experiences are relatively commonplace on subways, buses, and pretty much everywhere in New Jersey -- not during a nationally televised football game. Yet sportscaster Brent Musburger managed to accomplish this feat twice on-air, first with FSU's Jenn Sterger and then Auburn's Katherine Webb. During last year's BCS title game, Musburger spent more than 30 seconds of prime-time television ogling over Webb, former Miss Alabama and quarterback A.J. McCarron's girlfriend. Seven years earlier, cameras zoomed in on Sterger, a Florida State student at the time, in the stands of a game against Miami, and Musburger nearly fainted. Both fans are easy on the eyes, but Brett Favre's bizarre texting flirtation -- allegedly -- with Sterger is the tiebreaker. Edge: FSU.
Multi-Sport Athlete
The Multi-Sport Athlete category features a heavyweight matchup between Auburn's Bo Jackson and FSU's Deion Sanders. The first player to ever play in the Pro Bowl and the MLB All Star Game, Jackson hit 141 home runs as an outfielder/DH with the Royals, White Sox and Angels while rushing for more than 2,000 yards with the Raiders. Oh, and did we mention he won the Heisman? Sanders' numbers are nothing to scoff at either: 53 career interceptions, 186 stolen bases, two Super Bowl rings, a World Series appearance, and the only player ever to hit an MLB home run and score an NFL touchdown in the same week. Both are legends, but Jackson's individual accomplishments trump Sanders' championship presence. Edge: Auburn.
Mascot
This matchup pits Auburn's ferociously lovable Aubie the Tiger against FSU's rider/horse combination of Osceola and Renegade. Although questionably racist, Florida State has one of the sports' most impressive traditions as Osceola holds a flaming spear while riding bareback on Renegade and then plants the spear in the turf. That's all well and good, but Aubie is a tiger. Let me repeat that. Aubie is a TIGER. Tigers aren't docile little cats that yell, "Grrrrreat!” and only want to provide us with a perfectly balanced breakfast. Look past the soft white fur and cute wittle whiskers and you'll see a 300-pound killer. In the real world, we are a tiger's perfectly balanced breakfast. Edge: Auburn.
Wrestling Femme Fatale
In this corner, representing Auburn, we have The Diamond Doll, The Booty Babe herself, Kimberly Page!! And in this corner, fighting for Florida State, we have the 2008 WWE Diva Champion, the Jesus Christ Suplex Star, Michelle McCool!! Let's get ready to RUMMMMBLE!!! Ding, ding, ding. Page would be at a disadvantage in the ring as she served primarily as a manager and valet while McCool worked as a wrestler. To her credit, Page did take some serious bumps, but she would have no answer for McCool's signature finishing move, the Faith-Breaker. Page would be down for the count and contemplating the existence of a higher power. The victory goes McCool and FSU.
Catchiest Song
FSU sends in Yellowcard's Ocean Avenue to rhyme it out against Elmo Shropshire's Grandma Got Run Over By a Reindeer.. FSU's Yellowcard lead singer/guitarist, Ryan Key, wrote the band’s one-hit wonder in 2003, never dreaming that it would become the early-2000 bar mitzvah favorite that it was ten years ago. Looking at Auburn: Love the name Elmo Shropshire -- it sounds like a Sesame Street character crossed with a Hobbit. Moving on to the song, I don't know what kind of sick, Christmas-themed things Elmo's grandmother must have done to prompt her grandson to write a song entitled Grandma Got Run Over By a Reindeer, but regardless, the song is a holiday staple and even inspired the creation of an animated movie. Both songs are pretty catchy, but the animated movie and the name "Elmo Shropshire" give Auburn the nod. Edge: Auburn.
TV Sports Personality
Auburn decides to roll with NBA Hall of Famer and TNT Analyst, Charles Barkely, to duke it out against FSU's ESPN College GameDay sweetheart, Lee Corso. In terms of experience, FSU definitely has the upper hand, and the 78-year old has been able to maintain his enthusiasm. Yet Barkley is unmatched in the sports world. His Golf Channel show teaching him how to swing a club and his Shaq-bashing at half time makes Barkley a staple in off-the field sports entertainment that no amount of wacky headgear can overshadow. Edge: Auburn.
Music Legend
For the Music Legend matchup, we’re grooving our way in time to the 1960's. FSU's Jim Morrison broke into the musical world as the Nietzsche-philosophizing lyricist of The Doors while Auburn's Lionel Richie made his soulful debut alongside Diana Ross in the R&B group, The Commodores. An alleged heroin overdose cut Morrison's promising career short, but his profound lyrics and inimitable stage presence forever changed rock music. While Richie continues to have successful career, Morrison is a rock god. Break on Through: FSU.
War Chant
Everybody knows that a school isn't worth rooting for unless it has a sweet war chant, and luckily, Auburn and FSU excel in this category. FSU's "massacre" melody mimics a Native American sorrow song that, as legend has it, was first heard after thousands of Native Americans were murdered by the United States. Add the signature Seminole Chop to this haunting melody, and you've got yourself a wholly insensitive yet chilling war chant. Although fun to say, Auburn's "War Eagle" has a less fun story behind it. The story goes that a Confederate soldier and a wounded eagle became BFFLs during the Civil War and the eagle flew around Auburn's football stadium when the two returned to Auburn after the war. Auburn’s chant is rooted in friendship while FSU's is rooted in killing. If choosing a war chant, going with the latter seems a better fit, even if it's politically incorrect. Edge: FSU.
Recent Heisman Winner
Auburn's Cam Newton squares off against FSU's Jameis Winston in the deciding category of what has shaped up to be a historic series of matchups. In his 2010 Heisman campaign, Newton totaled 2,874 yards and 30 touchdowns through the air and 1,473 yards and 20 scores on the ground. This season, Winston trumped Newton's passing numbers (3,820 yards and 38 touchdowns) but simply wasn't in the same league in terms of rushing (193 yards and four touchdowns). Comparing each player's competition: Newton beat Stanford quarterback Andrew Luck, who finished his sophomore season with 3,338 passing yards and 32 touchdowns. Winston's runner-up, on the other hand, was Boston College running back Andre Williams, who ran for 2,102 yards and 17 touchdowns (three less than Newton's 2010 total). Both players had phenomenal seasons, but Newton won the award against stiffer competition and his numbers are downright ridiculous. Edge: Auburn.
Recap
The final tally: Auburn 5, Florida State 4 And that's the way the cookie crumbles. Call your bookies now because it looks like Auburn will be crowned this seasons BCS national champion. Still, it was a close finish, so you might want to watch the game to make sure.
