Always wanted to learn kung fu, but never felt like you had a teacher worthy of your lightning quick reflexes, inhuman strength, and ability to vastly overestimate your own skill level? Then you need to take a pilgrimage to the literal home of kung fu, China's Shaolin Temple, where -- believe it or not -- they allow foreigners like you to live there temporarily as "Shaolin Disciples."

Travel To The Shaolin Temple To Learn Kung Fu Slideshow

Shaolin Temple Training

This is the Shaolin Temple in Zhengzhou, China. It's been around since 495 AD... Take that Ed's Kung Fu & Self Defense next to Dress Barn in the strip mall! More From Thrillist: Ride All The Climbs Of The 2013 Tour De France

Shaolin Temple Training

Since pretty much the beginning of the monastery, Buddhist monks have been developing & practicing a ridiculous brand of kung fu that looks something like this. More From Thrillist: Finally An App To Let People Know How Extreme You Are

Shaolin Temple Training

... and this... More from Thrillist: The Great American Beer Fest

Shaolin Temple Training

... and this... More from Thrillist: Do You Have What It Takes To Drive A Pro-Baja Truck?

Shaolin Temple Training

... and this... More from Thrillist: A 5 Star Camping Dinner You Can Cook Yourself

Shaolin Temple Training

... And even this. More from Thrillist: Guess Which State Spends The Most On Fast Food

Shaolin Temple Training

But back to the point. They'll teach you, a regular dude, how to do all that... even if you've got a disgustingly long mullet. Especially if you've got a disgustingly long mullet. More from Thrillist: How Much Caffeine Is Actually In Your Coffee?

Shaolin Temple Training

With actual kung fu monks as teachers, students learn the traditional kung fu spectrum like fist forms, weaponry forms, and both hard & soft qigong, which's the practice of cultivating "intrinsic life energy." More from Thrillist: 9 Famous Stars in Embarrassing Food Commericals

Shaolin Temple Training

Learn enough and you might even get one of those neat orange robes. More from Thrillist: Never Lose Your Mangy Mutt Again

Shaolin Temple Training

Students also learn about basic Buddhism knowledge and practice in a classroom setting and even learn about elements of Shaolin medicine like acupuncture, Tuina massage, and "bone setting" (which is not nearly as sexy as is sounds, and in fact involves fixing 'fu-shattered limbs). More from Thrillist: These Are The Country's Craziest Eating Challenges

Shaolin Temple Training

Whoa, kung fu monk, unhand the kid! Wait, he's just teaching him Chinese calligraphy, which he'll also be teaching you (along with actual Chinese) while you're there. More from Thrillist: Bizarro Celebrity Cookbooks

Shaolin Temple Training

When you're not kicking ass, learning about Buddhism, or wishing you could just download this stuff Matrix-style, you'll be meditating. More from Thrillist: The 5 Most Expensive Tequila Shots In The Country