1. No More Moss

In my expert 21-year-old opinion, Randy Moss is the second greatest WR to ever do it. The most explosive athlete ever at the position. Peter King has said crazier things, so get off my case. Randy will be missed, especially for his off-field performance. Straight cash, homey.

2. Yuan Rules Everything Around Me

Kobe Bryant makes a lot of money playing basketball. Like eight figures a lot. But the lockout means no Buss money for Bryant. He apparently has an offer to play in China for $1.5 million. A MONTH. I think minor deity status is somewhere buried in the signing bonus. Take the money, Kobe.

3. The Harder They Fall

Daaaang, Joey. In college you was the maaaaan, Joey. The hell happened to you? Seriously, though. Joey Harrington has had a tragic career arc. He got hit by a small SUV while biking in Portland. He's fine, but still. His glory days at Oregon seem like ages ago.

4. Desperate Times

I'll leave my opinions on our nation's drug policies out of this, but I feel for Samaki Walker. He got pulled over by cops with a car full of steroids, prescription drugs, and weed. Instead of putting those steroids and painkillers to good work and maybe escaping the law, he decided to eat the marijuana. The mugshot must be an instant classic.

5. Live Fails

I'm surprised that a so-called baseball expert like Mitch Williams wouldn't know the proper way to break a bat. I think I've figured out the problem, though. That package from Samaki Walker never made its way to Mitch's doorstep.

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