Archive for February, 2008



11
Feb

If you buy me an Audi R8 I will streak the World Series

audi r8

Audi R8. Is that not the most beautiful thing you’ve ever seen? You see, I’m not just another sports blogger. I’m interested in other things. Namely, having crazy sex with a harem of beautiful women. This 430 horsepower $130,000 certified panty-wetter is just what I need.

Therefore, if one of my readers purchases this vehicle for me I will streak every game of the World Series with their face tattooed across my butt cheeks. And that’s a promise you can take to the bank, mister. Would I lie about butt tattoos? Absolutely not. My ass cheeks are much too important to joke about.

And so are hers:

Yamila Diaz-Rahi

More R8:

r8

audi r8

11
Feb

NFC beats AFC in Pro Bowl, Adrian Peterson grabs MVP

adrian peterson

The NFC come from behind to defeat the AFC yesterday 42-30 in the Honolulu-based Pro Bowl. Offensive Rookie of the Year Adrian Peterson ran for 129 yards and two touchdowns and Terrell Owens added two touchdowns of his own to help the NFC come back from a 24-7 deficit. One stat says it all: the AFC’s leading rusher in the game was Ben Roethlisberger, with 18 yards.

On a less sports-related note, here’s Roethlisberger’s alleged girlfriend, Missy Peregrym:

Missy Peregrym

Missy Peregrym

11
Feb

Tyler Hansbrough drops 39 on Clemson, Tar Heels win in 2OT

quentin thomas

Once again, the North Carolina Tar Heels have broken Clemson’s heart. After a frustrating 90-88 OT loss in Clemson on January 6th, the Tigers went on the road hoping to break UNC’s 51-game home winning streak against them. However, North Carolina managed to overcome a 15 point second-half deficit to force overtime and eventually get the win, 103-93.

UNC desperately needed the win to stay within spitting distance of rival Duke in the tough Atlantic Coast Conference. Tyler Hansbrough scored 13 of his 39 points in overtime and Wayne Ellington added 28 overall to keep the Tar Heels two games behind the first-place Blue Devils. Clemson dropped to 5-4 in the conference.

I’m almost to the point where I can’t watch North Carolina basketball games anymore. It seems like it always turns into a competition between the announcers to see who can verbally suck Tyler Hansbrough’s dick the most. Yes, he is a good, probably great, player. That doesn’t mean I want to hear the talking heads spend the entire game talking about how awesome he is.

One of the guys on FSN yesterday referred to him as the “Great White Shark.” At that point I probably would’ve thrown my beer bottle at the TV if it wasn’t too drunk to move. Try to look at the picture below and honestly tell me that you don’t want to kick him in the face. You can’t do it, can you?

Also, I know something else you can’t do, because I read all your emails and I know you ordered those pills. Now Paypal me $10 or I will tell everyone your dirty little secret.

tyler hansbrough

09
Feb

A surprising twist: Roger Clemens’s wife may have used HGH

I really don’t know what to say here. Roger Clemens is currently in the middle of an ugly congressional hearing where his ex-personal trainer, Brian McNamee, continues to testify that he injected the seven-time Cy Young Award winner with steroids multiple times during his career.

Recently, however, a new story emerged:

McNamee told congressional investigators he injected Debbie Clemens with HGH — at the seven-time Cy Young Award winner’s direction — before the couple posed for a 2003 Sports Illustrated swimsuit edition photo shoot, a lawyer familiar with his testimony said Friday.

That’s right. Apparently either the Clemens family is ridiculously competitive to the point where his wife wanted to look buffer (or is it “more buff”?) than other athlete’s wives, or Brian McNamme is completely crazy. Or both.

I remember that 2003 SI issue. In fact, I remember every SI swimsuit edition since I was 16, because I’m a pervert.

Here’s the original Debbie Clemens picture from the issue, still hosted on the front page of DebbieClemens.com:
Debbie Clemens HGH
(Update: Feb. 18, 2008 - The DebbieClemens.com site has been down for a few days. I’m going to go ahead and start the rumor that she was busted for illegally distributing MP3’s and/or selling weapons to North Korea.)

Fun fact: DebbieClemens.com looks like a fifth-grader’s MySpace page and plays annoying music when it opens. This alone makes me want to believe that she took HGH, because I hate sites that start playing music automatically. Also, she is sporting a ridiculous six-pack, and women in their forties with kids just don’t look like that naturally.

For research purposes only, here’s the cover of that 2003 issue:

And I didn’t realize it until now, but Sports Illustrated offers an online archive of every swimsuit edition since 1996. That’s right, folks. FINALLY, you can use the interweb to look at pictures of hot girls. And you thought it was just for looking at Friendster and Geocities pages with your Netscape browser! And for finding fellow furries, of course.

In summary, the Clemens’s are crazy, and God bless SI.com.