Archive for October, 2007



30
Oct

Dallas extends Romo’s contract for six years and $68 million

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Tony Romo and the Dallas Cowboys have come to an agreement that would give the quarterback a six-year, $67.5 million contract extension, $30 million of which is guaranteed. The deal includes an $11.5 million signing bonus. Dallas is 6-1 this year and on top of the NFC East, and Romo’s 1,984 yards passing and 16 touchdowns are second in the NFL behind Tom Brady.

Let’s face it, before October of last year, you didn’t know Tony Romo from Tila Tequila. After replacing Drew Bledsoe in a Monday Night Football game in 2006, Romo won five of his next six starts and led Dallas to their first postseason since 2003. His contract extension now makes him the face of the franchise for years to come; in his own words, “I feel like I’m going to be with the Cowboys the rest of my career, definitely.”

Romo attended college at Division I-AA Eastern Illinois, and was signed by the Cowboys for $10,000 in 2003 after going undrafted.

According to the ESPN.com article,

He’s already dated country star Carrie Underwood and been linked in gossip magazines to Jessica Simpson and, as of this past weekend, Britney Spears. Romo spent his bye weekend in Los Angeles and wound up at the same place as Spears, landing him back in the tabloids.

I’m not particularly a Cowboys fan, but Romo’s story is pretty impressive. Is there a more American tale than an undrafted quarterback from a small college working his way up to become the starter for a division-leading NFL team, signing a contract for $10 million a year, and bumping uglies with Carrie Underwood?

This guy is like Chuck Norris and Jack Bauer’s lovechild. Anyone who plays professional football and dates Carrie Underwood is my personal hero, or is at least third on the list behind Optimus Prime and the guy who invented cheese fries. For what it’s worth, girls with great boobs are pretty high up there as well, but that should be a given.


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^ I’d love to put my ear on her butt to see if I could hear the ocean

29
Oct

Another one bites the dust - Jets bench Pennington

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After a 1-7 start by the New York Jets, including Sunday’s 13-3 loss against the Buffalo Bills, starting quarterback Chad Pennington has been benched in favor of backup Kellen Clemens. The AP report continues with coach Eric Mangini’s comments,

“I made this decision not based on singling out Chad for where we are, but based on the fact that I think Kellen has earned this opportunity,” Mangini said. “I want to give him this opportunity. It’s in no way an indication that Chad is solely responsible. We all are.”

By my count, that makes 1,435 NFL starting quarterbacks who’ve been benched for injuries or ineffectiveness during the 2007 season. (This number may be slightly inflated, as my research was conducted by drunken lemurs.)

If you’re one of the few remaining NFL starters left and your name isn’t Manning or Brady, you should seriously think about taking the rest of the year off to go home, play Candyland with your kids, and tend to your hydrangeas. Do you really want to stay around as the starter while every other NFL quarterback is going down like Pam Anderson on spring break? I don’t think so. That’s about as good an idea as a shaft-only condom.

Which, as my newborn son can attest, isn’t really a good idea at all.

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^ How the hell did Kid Rock get her?

29
Oct

A-Rod opting out of contract, because $252 million just doesn’t go as far as it used to

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SI.com reported on Sunday that Yankees superstar slugger Alex Rodriguez is opting out of his Yankees contract, leaving him a free agent and allowing him to negotiate with all 30 major league teams through his tenacious agent, Scott Boras.

Rodriguez’s timing couldn’t be better. He’s coming off a 2007 season in which he batted .314, hit 54 home runs, had 154 RBI, scored 143 runs, and slugged .645; he led the league in the latter four categories. The Yankees have proclaimed that if A-Rod opted out of his contract they would not pursue him further, since in that scenario the team would not receive the benefit of a $30-million subsidy from the Texas Rangers.

The SI.com article continues,

Boras hasn’t said how much he believes Rodriguez is worth on the open market, but he suggested in interviews that Rodriguez could be worth $500 million to the Yankees over the next 10 years. It’s clear he’s shooting for a deal well in excess of $300 million, perhaps even as much as $400 million.

Whatever you may say about him, Scott Boras is a badass. He makes 5 percent commission on all his clients’ deals. Besides A-Rod, he represents Johnny Damon, Jason Varitek, Carlos Beltran, Barry Zito, Bernie Williams, Greg Maddux, and some guy named Barry Bonds.

He negotiates multi-million dollar, multi-year deals, then basically sits around playing with himself for five years and getting 5% of their salary. He’s essentially the same as a gold digger who marries a rich old guy, or any girl who hangs out with Hugh Hefner. Reading about his ridiculous contracts is like watching a bulimic girl eat four pieces of delicious pumpkin pie: you’re rather disgusted because you know it isn’t going to have a pretty ending, but somehow you can’t look away.

It’s awesome, because Boras has all this money but nobody likes him. He’s the guy who makes people glad they have caller ID. I see him sitting around his pool all day, drinking Keystone Light out of a champagne flute and wearing two monocles to look sophisticated. Also, I hear he has dandruff and he watches “Kid Nation“.

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^ Even Borat is cooler than Boras

29
Oct

Trinity vs. Millsaps: apparently Division XVII football can be exciting

If you haven’t seen this play, it’s worth checking out. Fifteen laterals - enough said. (See a higher resolution version on ESPN.com.)

Is this the most amazing football play I’ve ever seen? Do bears do unspeakable things in the woods? Is the pope best friends with Mel Gibson? Does Creed suck? Is Andy Rooney terribly annoying and quite possibly senile by now? Is Coors Light the best domestic light beer out there, despite what the Clydesdale Horses on TV tell us?

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^ Screw you, Mr. Ed. Bud Light sucks.